But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
