I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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