My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
