This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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