they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
