Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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