More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
