today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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