We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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