when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
