I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
