Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
her vagine was all disorganized.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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