I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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