I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
