Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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