I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
