Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
