That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
