Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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