He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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