are you so shy because you have an std?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm passing your future prison.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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