since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
