Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
50% drunk capacity currently
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
