ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize