He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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