Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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