you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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