____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
