omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
