Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
