Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
