I CAN MOONWALK!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
