What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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