i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
