I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
