He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
