He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
