i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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