my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
