i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
