I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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