I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
