you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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