I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
