Your dad touched me again.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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