and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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