I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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