I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize