i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
