i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize