Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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