I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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