Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
