Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
