I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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