final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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