i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
