The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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