It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
