Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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