So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
