people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
