so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize