shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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