hotel room ftw
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
