is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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