Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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