i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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