my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
