i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
