It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
