we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
