shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
