I have demons in me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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