SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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