he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
