break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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