she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize