i think my tv is drunk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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